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The day I found out I was expecting

The day I found out I was expecting

Reflection…

Have you ever tilted your head back to the sky and closed your eyes with you arms hanging down to your sides. Doesn’t it make you feel, just a little unbalanced?

But have you ever noticed what it does to your breathing? It opens up another passageway, a little more clear. A little more deep… and how about your senses? Without your sight you must rely on feeling, smell, taste, hearing… you have to trust. You feel just a little more, hear a little louder, smell a little better and all of a sudden life has a taste.

Life is a sense, our future we can’t see, we can only trust what’s to come. And how do we do that? By simply living in the moment, like every one matters! And in that moment life had meaning. Not my life but “his”.

Experience…

As I walked out from the sand and into the water, every step, yet so small like baby steps, felt me with a little more life. It made me think of how every minute of my life, makes up his, as he forms in the womb.

My only goal was to walk out into the ocean, just far enough to get a good picture of the water and everything it touched, the sand, the air, the light, the bodies that were in it, the birds that glided across it, yet once I got deep enough into the water, I was given so much more than just a picture.

Insight, “the capacity to gain an accurate and deep intuitive understanding of a person or thing”.

Standing in the middle of the ocean, I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, nose pointing toward the sky I got a glimpse of fresh air. It smelled like fresh water and seaweed. A smell I never noticed before, not from just standing on shore. I could only smell it from where I was standing.

For a moment I thought, “someone here on this beach is looking at me like I am a little weird, maybe crazy”. I didn’t care, I had too much on my mind to worry of what others may think. I’d just learned that morning, my husband and I were expecting a little life, yet I was overwhelmingly felt with much worry.

Depth

So much worry, so much planning to do, so many changes, so sudden, so soon, how should I even “feel”. That word is when I realized that I felt a mist suddenly on my wrist. All these thoughts were racing and I hadn’t even realized how long I’d been standing there in the middle of the ocean, looking at the sky, eyes closed. It had been a nice minute, I should get out.

Tidemark

Suddenly, a wave came. That would explain the mist I felt above my fingertips that were gently touching the water. I never really experienced a wave from where I was standing, I was always afraid of being knocked down. Kids would jump and play, surfers would fiercely ride those waves, but me I would just watch. That was enough for me. I love the sound of waves, sitting on the beach watching the waves was peaceful, calming, it was “safe”.

The water was at my waist, but the waves were rising, surely that one will take me down. I didn’t want to fall so I started to walk back to shore, but the water was heavy. We’ve all tried running under the water, you just don’t get that far…plus I wasn’t running, I was only walking. I tried to walk fast but the heaviness of the water just made them feel like “baby steps”.

The waves were catching up…”just accept it Heaven, you’re going down”, I thought to myself. And just as I started to accept my fate that I was gonna drown (not really), the waves got closer and closer, and also it got smaller right before brushing over me. “That’s it?” I barely lost balance, I stumbled a bit but I didn’t lose control. “I was running from that”, I laughed to myself as I took a couple more steps back to take the picture and walk back to my picnic.

Backwash…

Sitting on the beach, continuing to watch the waves, listening to the water, feeling the warm air and processing my thoughts, I started to sense tomorrow. Although I could not see the future, that afternoon at the beach was all I need to understand what was to come.

Sometimes life hits you like a wave. Waves are powerful, strong, unpredictable. They come at you like a rush and can strike you suddenly, but waves can also be gentle, calming, slow and easy. It all depends on how the wind blows. Even though they start off loud, they always seem to quiet just before brushing against shore. Waves are beautiful, they transmit an energy flow and THIS was exactly how I felt in that moment.

Affirmation

The news I’d received swept me by surprise, so sudden, scary and huge, just like the one I’d experienced in the water, but as I sat on the sand and took in all the things around me in that moment I started to feel sure. I started to get a sense, that my body was creating something beautiful, and I just needed to trust that although a little scary, this life would be beautiful both his and ours, we just needed to take it one step at a time. We just needed to take “baby steps”

When life takes you by surprise simply make a choice. You can either ride that wave, or let it knock you down, but the best thing to do is just go with flow

Heaven S.

This Post Has 8 Comments

  1. Birth is never easy is it? I really enjoyed reading this post!

    1. Thanks Aminta, never easy!

  2. What a beautiful story – I will always remember that moment when I found out I was expecting my first. It is a feeling that just can’t be explained but remains with us forever.

    1. YES, It’s a memorable and meaningful feeling!

  3. This was such a beautiful post. I love how you said, “Sometimes life hits you like a wave. Waves are powerful, strong, unpredictable. They come at you like a rush and can strike you suddenly, but waves can also be gentle, calming, slow and easy. It all depends on how the wind blows.” That is so powerful and so true! Great insight…thank you for sharing❤

    1. Thanks Monica!

    1. YES, it can be truly overwhelming in the beginning. Thanks for reading!

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